Do we need separate paths and workshops in male and female spiritual development?
Anija Miłuńska
This text was inspired by Wojtek Jóźwiak, the founder of a spiritual portal called Taraka. He asked there if we need separate spiritual paths and workshops for men and women. In my opinion, this question is extremely relevant today. It encourages us to notice certain phenomena, characteristic for our times, which require reflection and discussion. Here is my voice on the subject.
The simplest answer, based on trust for life would be: since they exist and thrive, we clearly do. Since people, not forced by anybody, choose to participate in such workshops for men or women only, it means that they answer a need that cannot be satisfied otherwise. Then, we should rather ask: who and why needs them? How did they come to be, a phenomenon that even the oldest “experts” can’t recall?
For the last eleven years I have done little else but establish womens’ circles, run workshops for women and create and act within our association, whose statutory goals include “restoring the Ancestresses’ traditions and rediscovering the roots of female spirituality.” If, several years earlier, when I practiced Zen Bhuddism, or even earlier, when I used to study and teach philosophy at university, someone had told me that I would get so involved in re-establishing the female spiritual path, it would have made me laugh in disbelief! It was completely outside my identity and had no place in my plans for the future.
Why then did I leave a well-established, trustworthy spiritual path, with the best references (two and a half thousand of documented line from master to master definitely gives a sense of security!) for one that was uncertain, full-of-weeds and led who knew where? Really, when I look at it from the perspective of years, I can find no other explanation for taking it on, but spiritual! My spirit knew perfectly well what it was doing, it even appeared as if it had an agreement with a spirit or power much grander than itself, definitely a female power. Mother Earth? Goddess? Spirits of Ancestresses? It was enough that they decided it was time for action, it was enough that they called and the woman left everything she was familiar with, she safely identified with, her “spiritual rank” - to start anew. For my “little self,” my identity tangled up in all cultural patterns we grew up in – it was a shock. One of the biggest surprises I have ever sprung on myself. And it was just the beginning of constant wonder: so all this ancient knowledge is written inside of me?? I would have never guessed if I hadn’t entered on the path of female spirituality and, from the beginning, as a leader/pioneer, who enters first an unknown territory.
All these eleven years it has been a story about yielding. To that which is grander and older from myself. Apparently, this is the whole point of spiritual life – regardless of “the path” we are on – practicing yielding and giving up control. It has taught me humility and refraining from judgement, even refraining from interpreting too hastily what other people do, even if they act very differently from myself, on different territory, following some foreign tradition. I know now, because I have tested it on myself, that everone is most attracted by their closest spiritual family. If my karmic family ties to Bhudda were stronger than those to Goddess, I would now be teaching Zen meditation - with equal zeal. Or Reiki, without which – like meditation – I cannot imagine living.
For the last eleven years I have done little else but establish womens’ circles, run workshops for women and create and act within our association, whose statutory goals include “restoring the Ancestresses’ traditions and rediscovering the roots of female spirituality.” If, several years earlier, when I practiced Zen Bhuddism, or even earlier, when I used to study and teach philosophy at university, someone had told me that I would get so involved in re-establishing the female spiritual path, it would have made me laugh in disbelief! It was completely outside my identity and had no place in my plans for the future.
Why then did I leave a well-established, trustworthy spiritual path, with the best references (two and a half thousand of documented line from master to master definitely gives a sense of security!) for one that was uncertain, full-of-weeds and led who knew where? Really, when I look at it from the perspective of years, I can find no other explanation for taking it on, but spiritual! My spirit knew perfectly well what it was doing, it even appeared as if it had an agreement with a spirit or power much grander than itself, definitely a female power. Mother Earth? Goddess? Spirits of Ancestresses? It was enough that they decided it was time for action, it was enough that they called and the woman left everything she was familiar with, she safely identified with, her “spiritual rank” - to start anew. For my “little self,” my identity tangled up in all cultural patterns we grew up in – it was a shock. One of the biggest surprises I have ever sprung on myself. And it was just the beginning of constant wonder: so all this ancient knowledge is written inside of me?? I would have never guessed if I hadn’t entered on the path of female spirituality and, from the beginning, as a leader/pioneer, who enters first an unknown territory.
All these eleven years it has been a story about yielding. To that which is grander and older from myself. Apparently, this is the whole point of spiritual life – regardless of “the path” we are on – practicing yielding and giving up control. It has taught me humility and refraining from judgement, even refraining from interpreting too hastily what other people do, even if they act very differently from myself, on different territory, following some foreign tradition. I know now, because I have tested it on myself, that everone is most attracted by their closest spiritual family. If my karmic family ties to Bhudda were stronger than those to Goddess, I would now be teaching Zen meditation - with equal zeal. Or Reiki, without which – like meditation – I cannot imagine living.
But so it happens that each field finds someone to cultivate it: some translate sutras while others teach meditation, still others search for our Slavic roots, look after a sacred pipe - which comes from a different root and tradition. But different doesn’t mean foreign. And it is this very variety of spiritual paths that appear, meet, cross, reflect in, wink at one another, shake hands or quite to the contrary – all this commotion is a way to create a new spiritual paradigm. The very fact of their multitudinous existence, and each a way to manifest spirituality, undermines the claims of the old paradigm, according to which spirituality is inseparably tied to religion and, as a consequence, can only realize itself within such a framework. It appears that we, who actively participate in the discussion, are engaged in the process in which people – definitely the white race – are reclaiming the possibility, the right to development, to spiritual life without the obligation of bowing to Authority, who solely represents God’s Absolute Truth. Which, by definition, is only one, so it is no “path,” but a wide road on which sheep tread. In the one, approved direction.
The perspective of a wide road and that of many spiritual paths are totally different, so I am convinced that we mustn’t interpret the new paradigm with the old one’s criteria. If multiplicity is a value then it would be a serious inconsistence to apply one “right” understanding of what consists spiritual growth and where it leads. For me, now is the time for asking, experimenting, finding answers to question them anew, the time of creative ferment, which characterises a profound change. This is the perspective in which paths, circles, workshops of male and female spiritual development have their place. Precisely as a part of the transformation process of the spiritual paradigm in which we were born, but fortunately not all of us will die. When they play their role, they might disappear without a trace. Or maybe just the opposite...
How do I see their role?
They definitely have a place in the process of reclaiming the spirituality of the body, gender/sex, sexuality, restoring it its position in sacrum, not profanum, where the patriarchal dualistic myth sees it. Some of this work can be done coeducatively, but there are areas which can be accessed only within one sex, and not only because of the demon of shame and guilt, which guards this division. As I have learnt, healing a sick pattern is impossible without simultaneously building a new, healthy one, life-giving, allowing us to celebrate the body’s rhythms, menstruation, pregnancy, childbearing. It cannot be done alone, collective energy and wisdom, persistence, mutual trust and intimate conditions are necessary. Ceremonies which give a chance to experience all the areas mentioned above as spiritual. This is how we can gradually reunite what was separated: body and soul. Through repeting positive experiences we can liberate ourselves from the belief, the certainty imbued by two thousand years of Christianity that the body is the main obstacle in spiritual growth. Intellectual understanding is not enough here: we can creatively analize reasons why st. Augustin’s difficulty in reigning in his powerful libido led him to perceive sexuality as a mighty obstacle in the soul’s salvation, impossible to overcome without divine grace. We may have the ability to scientifically explain how it obtained the status of creed, becoming part of the doctrine, we may even joke about it and still share the belief that the soul is sexless. And that this sexless element consists the essence of spiritual life.
It may or may not be, we won’t know if we don’t check ourselves. Observing ourselves honestly, revealing our prejudices, questioning apparent truths, entering forbidden territories banished to darkest corners. People who have motivation to do that, meet at such “single-sex” workshops to collectively redefine gender identity. Not to lock themselves in it. This is my experience. Why do they do it? Because they feel constrained by the old corset, it suffocates them, because they don’t want to squeeze their children in it, but they don’t know how to take it off and what to choose instead.
Maybe I should present it on an example, to clarify my idea. From the very beginning I have been working on fairy-tales from our culture, especially those told most often. I assume that there must be an important reason why they are repeated to still new generations of listeners. Even though they are not necessarily pretty, even if they cause anger and resistance. And still, we cannot free ourselves from them. Why? Because a fairy-tale tells a story which takes place in our common uncosciousness – I may also call it our common soul – which tells itself its own story until it finally transforms itself. As long as a story is valid – so long it influences each individual unconsciousness, imbueing it with certain meanings and behavioral patterns, or even “forcing” specific feelings, reactions, experiences.
I could stop here, but it wouldn’t be honest, since I haven’t written about the most important thing. About the fact that the greatest help and power which enables transformation flow from deep levels, much deeper than the thin layer written in the common memory by the dualistic patriarchal myth and the era of violence, which gave life to it. A very powerful impulse flows from there, the one which makes women gather at workshops, in women’s circles - there we find the pattern of the female spiritual path and the certainty that now is the time to rebuild it and bring to the world. In the language of psychology we will say that the archetype of the Goddess, the Great Mother is waking up. When I began my work, I used such terms. But once I experienced its power from “the inside,” when I let it wake up inside me, when I saw it awaken in and change many women – I say: the Goddess is waking up. In us, and through us She is returning to the world, to restore balance. This is a short description of the change that has taken place over the last eleven years. I lost the ability of looking from a “scientific distance,” which in fact is one of the methods of functioning for the mind separated from the spirit – philosophers called it “reason,” which is governed by different rules than “heart,” and that’s why it was accepted as the only credible, objective tool of cognition.
I know now – because I have checked it on myself – that Pascal’s apparently impossible to resolve “fight between heart and reason” doesn’t describe some universal existential situation of man. It describes the dilemma of man trapped in the Cartesian paradigm with its “either –or”: either belief or reason, either spiritual life or objective knowledge. I have subjected myself to a long-term, thorough experiment as a result of which heart stopped fighting with reason and consciousness united with spirit. Spiritual life for me stopped being a matter of faith – in truths or dogmas which couldn’t be reconciled with logical thinking or intelligence. I can trust my experience because I allow all my “cognitive powers” to cooperate; intellect with intuition, the ability to think with the ability to feel, senses and body with spirit – it turns out they can agree fantastically when nobody tries to persuade them that they should be at war. I discovered this union and the kind of freedom it gives on the “female spiritual path,” which I have the honour of rebuilding.
Anija Miłuńska
The perspective of a wide road and that of many spiritual paths are totally different, so I am convinced that we mustn’t interpret the new paradigm with the old one’s criteria. If multiplicity is a value then it would be a serious inconsistence to apply one “right” understanding of what consists spiritual growth and where it leads. For me, now is the time for asking, experimenting, finding answers to question them anew, the time of creative ferment, which characterises a profound change. This is the perspective in which paths, circles, workshops of male and female spiritual development have their place. Precisely as a part of the transformation process of the spiritual paradigm in which we were born, but fortunately not all of us will die. When they play their role, they might disappear without a trace. Or maybe just the opposite...
How do I see their role?
They definitely have a place in the process of reclaiming the spirituality of the body, gender/sex, sexuality, restoring it its position in sacrum, not profanum, where the patriarchal dualistic myth sees it. Some of this work can be done coeducatively, but there are areas which can be accessed only within one sex, and not only because of the demon of shame and guilt, which guards this division. As I have learnt, healing a sick pattern is impossible without simultaneously building a new, healthy one, life-giving, allowing us to celebrate the body’s rhythms, menstruation, pregnancy, childbearing. It cannot be done alone, collective energy and wisdom, persistence, mutual trust and intimate conditions are necessary. Ceremonies which give a chance to experience all the areas mentioned above as spiritual. This is how we can gradually reunite what was separated: body and soul. Through repeting positive experiences we can liberate ourselves from the belief, the certainty imbued by two thousand years of Christianity that the body is the main obstacle in spiritual growth. Intellectual understanding is not enough here: we can creatively analize reasons why st. Augustin’s difficulty in reigning in his powerful libido led him to perceive sexuality as a mighty obstacle in the soul’s salvation, impossible to overcome without divine grace. We may have the ability to scientifically explain how it obtained the status of creed, becoming part of the doctrine, we may even joke about it and still share the belief that the soul is sexless. And that this sexless element consists the essence of spiritual life.
It may or may not be, we won’t know if we don’t check ourselves. Observing ourselves honestly, revealing our prejudices, questioning apparent truths, entering forbidden territories banished to darkest corners. People who have motivation to do that, meet at such “single-sex” workshops to collectively redefine gender identity. Not to lock themselves in it. This is my experience. Why do they do it? Because they feel constrained by the old corset, it suffocates them, because they don’t want to squeeze their children in it, but they don’t know how to take it off and what to choose instead.
How can I experience my authentic femininity? How to tell the stereotypes and patterns I identified with as part of the socialization process from the real thing? What is universal and what a part of culture? (I share with my own experience, that’s why I write about women – only men can credibly describe and transform male stories.) If a group of women who are ready to spend long enough asking such questions meet – they create a field for research and transformation of incredible force! Obviously, in such research spiritual level meets other ones: psychological, philosophical, social. But if we persist, we must finally reach the level of common psyche (common unconsciousness), where the experiences of past generations reside, which for us became unquestionable in their obviousness. Since they go beyond individual experience, they can only be transformed with collective energy. In this I perceive the key role of the single-sex workshops, in this way a real change takes place, one that couldn’t be achieved otherwise.
Maybe I should present it on an example, to clarify my idea. From the very beginning I have been working on fairy-tales from our culture, especially those told most often. I assume that there must be an important reason why they are repeated to still new generations of listeners. Even though they are not necessarily pretty, even if they cause anger and resistance. And still, we cannot free ourselves from them. Why? Because a fairy-tale tells a story which takes place in our common uncosciousness – I may also call it our common soul – which tells itself its own story until it finally transforms itself. As long as a story is valid – so long it influences each individual unconsciousness, imbueing it with certain meanings and behavioral patterns, or even “forcing” specific feelings, reactions, experiences.
In Grimm Brothers’ fairy-tales a certain motif, best known from “Cinderella,” reccurs – it describes the passage from childhood into adulthood as the appearance of the Stepmoter. It replaces the loving Mother, who dies and disappears forever, because life is no “fairy-tale” but constant toil under the supervision of the never-satisfied Stepmother: hard as you may try, you will never deserve praise. So this is the nature of the initiation into adulthood! To grow such an internal Stepmother, who will observe and reprimand you constantly, who will compare you with other women – they are not sisters but rivals in the competition for the prince’s attention. “Thanks but no thanks” – you would like to say, but the Stepmother is not one to be discouraged easily. She is such a powerful spirit of the field, with such long-term credentials, that she cannot be dematerialized with praise or threat, with a university PhD or a successful private enterprise, even by refusing to cut off a piece of your foot to fit the crystal shoe – though the last one weakens her considerably.
Then, how to regain freedom? By revealing shameful secrets, especially the most embarrassing one: that you are in alliance with the Stepmother. That she can lead you by the nose, that you are helpless in confrontation with her. For it to work – you must do it in front of other women and trust them that they will not use it against you – thus you must act contrary to the scenario. When it turns out that what appeared to be a private, individual problem is in fact the spirit of the field, a self-replicating structure coded in the common memory – then a real chance for liberation appears. Then we can have some fun dissecting the methods our dear Stepmother uses – if fun is an appropriate word to describe this hard work, comparable to a miner’s. But without the ability to laugh at oneself, cutting ties with this morbidly serious institution seems impossible. And we also encounter here such powerful emotions, which accumulated for ages, they must all be freed, the space must be cleared, because we already know that if we don’t do it, she will gain power over our daughters and granddaughters, and we certainly don’t wish that for them. And then we must have a liberation ceremony, when we will call other spirits and female forces, who have other wisdom to offer.
All this process requires extreme honesty and sincerity, letting go of our habits, giving up many different reliable methods of protecting ourselves. So, not everyone is ready for such a radical, deep change. But for those who don’t stop here, something changes just by following up the process till the end – the change refers to the way of thinking, feeling, perceiving oneself in relation to other women, and, consequently, men. As a result, separation and distrust dissolve and sisterly relations can be rebuilt. So competition and gossiping behind someone’s back are not innate female inclinations! It turns out that relations among women can be completely different. It is hard to believe it at first, so we must experience a lot together before we acquire such certainty, which we can pass on to our daughters. Not as a fad from a fashionable book, but a strong conviction which you needn’t discuss, since it permeates your whole behaviour.
All this process requires extreme honesty and sincerity, letting go of our habits, giving up many different reliable methods of protecting ourselves. So, not everyone is ready for such a radical, deep change. But for those who don’t stop here, something changes just by following up the process till the end – the change refers to the way of thinking, feeling, perceiving oneself in relation to other women, and, consequently, men. As a result, separation and distrust dissolve and sisterly relations can be rebuilt. So competition and gossiping behind someone’s back are not innate female inclinations! It turns out that relations among women can be completely different. It is hard to believe it at first, so we must experience a lot together before we acquire such certainty, which we can pass on to our daughters. Not as a fad from a fashionable book, but a strong conviction which you needn’t discuss, since it permeates your whole behaviour.
This way a different “undisputed obviousness” is coded on the common level where all our experiences gather. And at the same time a bit of territory is reclaimed, on which a new initiation pattern can be planted. This is but one example, because there are many more such stories requiring remodelling – common for one sex, one nation or another type of community. I’m convinced that now is the time for thorough clearing on the level of common history written in common memory, the need for releasing it from the heritage of the old pattern, from the power of its spirits. Without such profound work no “new paradigm” has a chance to become reality, it will become just another beautiful dream, one of many which have already landed on the scrap heap. But people who have done such work will become partners in building a healthy, non-patriarchal, which means free-from-violence, pattern. Here is the meeting point for men and women, who could enter together the most heavily “mined” areas of our common field and clear them from that destructive heritage of the division era, which harms our mutual relations. Here is a new perspective for creating initiation rituals for boys and girls founded on a maturity pattern based on respect and love for the living, feeling, human being who we all are – regardless of our sex.
I could stop here, but it wouldn’t be honest, since I haven’t written about the most important thing. About the fact that the greatest help and power which enables transformation flow from deep levels, much deeper than the thin layer written in the common memory by the dualistic patriarchal myth and the era of violence, which gave life to it. A very powerful impulse flows from there, the one which makes women gather at workshops, in women’s circles - there we find the pattern of the female spiritual path and the certainty that now is the time to rebuild it and bring to the world. In the language of psychology we will say that the archetype of the Goddess, the Great Mother is waking up. When I began my work, I used such terms. But once I experienced its power from “the inside,” when I let it wake up inside me, when I saw it awaken in and change many women – I say: the Goddess is waking up. In us, and through us She is returning to the world, to restore balance. This is a short description of the change that has taken place over the last eleven years. I lost the ability of looking from a “scientific distance,” which in fact is one of the methods of functioning for the mind separated from the spirit – philosophers called it “reason,” which is governed by different rules than “heart,” and that’s why it was accepted as the only credible, objective tool of cognition.
I know now – because I have checked it on myself – that Pascal’s apparently impossible to resolve “fight between heart and reason” doesn’t describe some universal existential situation of man. It describes the dilemma of man trapped in the Cartesian paradigm with its “either –or”: either belief or reason, either spiritual life or objective knowledge. I have subjected myself to a long-term, thorough experiment as a result of which heart stopped fighting with reason and consciousness united with spirit. Spiritual life for me stopped being a matter of faith – in truths or dogmas which couldn’t be reconciled with logical thinking or intelligence. I can trust my experience because I allow all my “cognitive powers” to cooperate; intellect with intuition, the ability to think with the ability to feel, senses and body with spirit – it turns out they can agree fantastically when nobody tries to persuade them that they should be at war. I discovered this union and the kind of freedom it gives on the “female spiritual path,” which I have the honour of rebuilding.
Anija Miłuńska
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